T'was Two and a Half Nights Before Christmas

T'was Two and a Half nights before Christmas, and all through the night

the noise was simply deafening, The House was a sight.

No stockings, no tree, no tinsel, no bows

No presents or packages, no roast beast or snow,
except for "The Middle" a few miles away,
had made some snow, for their show, but just for a day.
but other than that the cupboards were bare,
not one bit of evidence that Christmas was there. 

Oh I'm sorry, there were stockings about,
and bras and panties and ale and stout.
There were games to be played and treats to be shared
But were the games, equally to Charlie's, in compare?
Berta was picking through the table of stuff,
the butter the oil the choices were rough.
Hosing off the washer for the 93rd time,
She exclaimed as she left, this is simply a crime.

Out on the sand, near the ocean on the beach,

Alan chased three nude girls with a scream and a Creech,
Malibu's finest  caught up with him in the end,
The girls got away to Walden once again.
Who had more girls in one bed there ever could be,
But finding Walden was a trick that you had to see.
There he is they shout as they were looking down,
He's the one with the thing that can almost touch the ground.

 Jake, now a Man, had settled down with three of his own,

All of them wondering when Walden would be alone.
Finding Walden a trick they knew it would be,
but they were determine as determined, determine could be.
But settling wasn't something Jake had concern
as settling for Walden girls was something any man would yearn.
And Jake was bewilder but happy and proud as punch,
As he was lead to the bed for what he thought might be lunch.

Charlie not proud of how things had become,

Although rich, and famous not winning but won.
No way Charlie was dead, never could it be,
He has much more earning potential for Chuck to see,
But Charlie is happy of the things that he's done,
and is proud of the training to his brother's only son.
He will move on, but also, he'll be back again,
As the show will fail, if not, in the end.

 So the house, what a sight, No Christmas to show,

and the Show, not a sight that would change or grow.
Two and a Half now Three and more it would seem
As the story grows more than a story could glean.
but  Christmas it would be never the less
and presents would be not unwrapped but undressed
money, prayers and wishes of no concern
Christmas, who cares, there'll receive much more than they earn.

Copyright © 2011 Ted Allen Off

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